Waking up this morning felt different. I felt sad that I was no longer focused on my relationship with Alex; Yet the other half of me was excited to praise and spend time with God through out my day. Although it was challenging to go back to my old ways, I kept my mind focused on my conversation with God. Talking with him really helped!
In school I had some down time and started reading when God grabbed a hold of my heart. Putting the book down and running to the bathroom I sat in the stall today just confessing how I always put everything before him. And how if it weren't for Him, I wouldn't be the person I am today. I would be nothing with out God. And that I truly love him and wanna live a life following him wherever I go. Through God's grace, he forgave me and put peace in my heart that I couldn't help but start bursting into more tears! (I guess it was tears of happiness and a little bit of relief that I don't have to be carrying this weight on my shoulders anymore that I don't have to live up to all these expectations of the world)
So about a few minutes ago I finally finished Francis Chan's. Crazy Love. Chan ended it by closing up the book and said to kneel before God and pray for a life following God. I obeyed and fell to the ground just praising God for all that he has done! Opening my eyes to how I'm living my life, teaching me all about what it means to love him and love each other, storing up treasures in heaven, and many more! (The list could go on!!!)
...&At that moment of prayer I burst out laughing! I knew God was just pleased with me following him in the right track and that he's ready to do a lot of great things through me. In that moment of just laughing, I also felt this kinda happy feeling in my heart that I couldn't explain. If I could, I would run outside and just shout out to the whole world how great God (the God of Abraham, Isaac and Moses) truly is! How sad that many of us miss out or are too distracted with this feeling that God wants to show us. We only get a glimpse of it after Sunday service or a retreat. But to think that we could live a life where we could feel that kind of joy everyday?! even when things are hard and going through trials in our life? Man... I been lukewarm way too long and I'm not about to let this love for God go again.
Think about it... when was the last time you spent some time alone with God and felt that love? Lets share it with the rest of the world!!!
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